How to Help ?

Whomever you come into contact with first, whether it is the victim/survivor or someone from his or her support system, remember to actively listen to the situation they describe to you and to call the AD/RD on duty for support. You will have to file an incident report regardless of whom you talk to and therefore you cannot promise confidentiality to any individual.

When you write your incident report, remember to simply write what you have been told, the advice you gave, and the actions that were taken. Write what your senses have detected, what you saw, heard, smelled, etc. You are not a professionally trained counselor, you are not a doctor, you are not a crime scene investigator, you are not judge and jury, and you do not have to worry about definitions of crimes; your main concerns are to listen and provide support for the victim/survivor and others involved.

When discussing the incident with the victim/survivor or someone from the support system, here are some key points to keep in mind:

Believe him or her. Regardless of who is involved, it is important the incident is taken seriously and not minimized.

Accept what you hear without judgement, let the story run its course, and avoid “why” questions or making the person feel defensive. (i.e.:“Why were you drinking or on drugs?” “Why were you at the party?” “Why were you with that person?” etc.)

Offer comfort. Remain calm, reasuring and maintain your own emotional composure. If the person is agitated, suggest they take a few deep breaths, but do not tell them how to act or feel.

Know your personal limits. If you feel uncomfortable or “in over your head,” express this in your active listening feedback and refer the person to the AD/RD and the hotlines listed on the inside front cover.

Allow the person to take ownership of his or her feelings, regardless of what they are. Do not downplay what they are feeling. Let the person talk out feelings of self-blame and help them to understand it is the rapist who caused the attack and not him or her.

Maintain a safe place for the victim/survivor and others involved. Help to find a secure place for them to sleep or stay, find someone to stay with the victim/survivor if he or she does not want to be alone.

Recommend the victim/survivor seek medical attention, preserve evidence (he or she should not shower, change clothes, eat or smoke) and/or call a hotline for advice. Do not get angry if the survivor is reluctant to pursue any of these avenues.

Let the person maintain their personal space and do not hold or touch them without their permis  sion. If a person in the victim/survivor’s support system approaches you and the victim/survivor will not talk to you, do not get angry or be offended. Offer support to the person who approached you, notify the AD/RD on duty of the situation, and understand that not talking might be one way the victim/survivor feels a sense of regaining control of  the situation.

If you are in a situation where the offender is within close proximity (down the hall or in another  residence hall), explain this to the AD/RD when you make the phone call. Do not attempt to confront the offender on your own or take on a situation you are not equipped to handle. Leave it to the proper authorities.

Active Listening Approach

you might be approached by a number of people before you would encounter a victim/survivor of sexual assault. These individuals are usually members of what is often referred to as the victim/survivor’s support system. They can be roomates, suitemates, floor mates, friends from home or class, fraternity brothers, sorority sisters, boyfriends, girlfriends, family members- virtually anyone the victim/survivor has a relationship with. Remember that regardless of whom you encounter, the victim/survivor or someone from his or her support system, your role is always the same:

LISTEN WITHOUT JUDGEMENT

• Never promise confidentiality, you are bound to report up
• Document in an incident report only the information that you know
• Only answer questions you are qualified or comfortable answering
• Don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know, but I know how to find help.”
• Always call the AD/RD on duty

TIPS FOR ONE-TO-ONE CONVERSATION

• Give the speaker time and space for rest after talking
• Respect personal space boundaries and be sensitive to gender issues the attack could invoke
• Express appreciation for the sharing to build trust and encourage dialogue

CHECK IF YOU HAVE UNDERSTOOD

• Summarize key points to affirm your understanding & build dialogue
• Ask (non-threatening) questions to build understanding

CONTINUE DIALOGUE

• Reflect on your experience to demonstrate your interest (feedback)
  
• Interpret after you feel you have grasped content

Active Listening Tips

• Be other-directed; focus on the person communicating
  
• Stop all non-relevant activities and orient yourself to the speaker
  
• Avoid distractions (a window or hallway, IM, television, noise, etc.)
  
• Seat yourself appropriately close to the speaker
  
• Acknowledge any emotional state (i.e., crying, silence, trembling, fast pace talking, etc)
  
• Suspend emotions until later, or passively participate unless you can control your emotions (i.e., confusion, frustration, anger, doubt, defensiveness, etc)
  
• Set aside your prejudices, judgments & opinions
  
• You are present to learn what the speaker has to say, not the other way around
• Follow and understand the speaker as if you were in their shoes
• Listen with your ears but also with your eyes and other senses
  
• Be aware: non-verbally acknowledge points in the speech
  
• Let the discussion run its course
  
• Don’t agree or disagree, but encourage the train of thought
  
• Actively respond to questions and directions
  
• Use your body position (e.g. lean forward) and attention to
• encourage the speaker and signal you